She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize