Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
