I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
