Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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