I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize