And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
