I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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