we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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