The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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