Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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