I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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