I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
