I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
