I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
