i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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