I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize