As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So squirting runs in the family.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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