I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
