I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
