maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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