How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
