Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
