i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
