that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
