We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
