If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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