If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
