i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She bit a glass in half.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
