he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
