it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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