Whod you bang
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
