I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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