I showed him my bush... on skype.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
