i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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