So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
