I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
