I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
