need another drink. this is the easiest way
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
