textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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