I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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