i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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