Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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