Will you blow on my dice?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
