my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
