So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
