i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
