Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
