Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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