Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
