Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
