I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
