Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
