I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
