Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
