apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
