that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
