# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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