i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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