I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
