I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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