i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize