He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
