God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
