The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
