oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
