Apparently you make a good broom.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
