So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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