there's paper in my vomit.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
