life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize