I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just high enough for therapy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
