Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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