I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
