I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
