Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
