My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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