I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
