I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
