Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Non-Jews are for practice
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
