I wish I only lived at night.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
