There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
